When I first became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Rude Grandchildren
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Rude Grandchildren
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Rude Grandchildren
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as practically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy child development Rude Grandchildren
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Rude Grandchildren
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Rude Grandchildren
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Rude Grandchildren
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Below are a number of the methods Amy teaches to encourage you to evolve into the mother or daddy you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (as well as more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Rude Grandchildren
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Rude Grandchildren
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we must be prepared to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as an individual. Rude Grandchildren
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Rude Grandchildren
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Rude Grandchildren
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Rude Grandchildren
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Rude Grandchildren
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Rude Grandchildren
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.