Run Away Kid – Exactly How I Chose Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Cooperate

Run Away Kid
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Run Away Kid

There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Run Away Kid

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Run Away Kid

My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Run Away Kid

Run Away Kid

Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.

Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.


So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Run Away Kid

Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding significant wrongdoing

• Offering your children everything they want Run Away Kid

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no boundaries

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently generates far better lasting outcomes than forced control.

Parents that adopt this design have learned to promote:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy limits

• Building a child’s foundational character and morals

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Encouraging kids to develop self-control

• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.


What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Run Away Kid

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Here are a couple of the methods Amy shares to assist you to evolve into the mama or dad you’ve always wished to be, and also help your child to reach his or her full potential.

Find the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (and much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a whole lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Run Away Kid

A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion under it

• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that big need initially.

• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Run Away Kid

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. Run Away Kid

This does not mean you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Run Away Kid

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.


Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Run Away Kid

Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.


Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Run Away Kid

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Run Away Kid

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.

In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Run Away Kid


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