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When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. SCD Disorder
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.SCD Disorder
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy SCD Disorder
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also practically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas cause healthy child development SCD Disorder
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? SCD Disorder
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for SCD Disorder
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. SCD Disorder
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and also more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. SCD Disorder
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary feeling underneath it
• A lot of upset children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … SCD Disorder
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we must want to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. SCD Disorder
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. SCD Disorder
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? SCD Disorder
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? SCD Disorder
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. SCD Disorder
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. SCD Disorder
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