Screaming Match – How I Applied Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

Screaming Match
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Screaming Match

There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Screaming Match

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Screaming Match

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and basically every other typically approved parenting technique.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Screaming Match

Screaming Match

During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. However long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Given his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.


What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Screaming Match

First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking major wrongdoing

• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Screaming Match

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting results than strict control.

Moms and dads that adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced limits

• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities

Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued

• Helping kids to grow their self-control

• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.


What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Screaming Match

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Here are a number of the techniques Amy shares to help you to come to be the mother or daddy you have actually always wished to be, and encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep. It’s often much easier (and also extra typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Screaming Match

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key feeling under it

• The majority of upset children are really anxious and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.

• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Screaming Match

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be prepared to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Screaming Match

This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Screaming Match

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.


Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Screaming Match

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.


How can you come to be a positive parent? Screaming Match

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Screaming Match

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Screaming Match


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