Self Image And Media – Just How I Chose Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Cooperate

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Self Image And Media
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Self Image And Media

There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Self Image And Media

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Self Image And Media

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also virtually every other traditionally approved parenting technique.

I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Self Image And Media

Self Image And Media

During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit temporarily. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Self Image And Media

Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking significant wrongdoing

• Offering your children whatever they ask for Self Image And Media

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation consistently produces much better long-term outcomes than strict control.

Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s foundational character traits

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Helping kids to develop self-restraint

• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Self Image And Media

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to encourage you to become the mom or father you’ve always wanted to be, and assist your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Discover the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (and also extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

But we can progress a lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Self Image And Media

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main emotion beneath it

• Most angry children are really anxious and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.

• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Self Image And Media

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Self Image And Media

This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Self Image And Media

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Self Image And Media

Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

So how can you become a positive parent? Self Image And Media

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Self Image And Media

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Self Image And Media


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