Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Self Regulation Skills For Adults
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Self Regulation Skills For Adults
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Self Regulation Skills For Adults
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also practically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Self Regulation Skills For Adults
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Self Regulation Skills For Adults
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Self Regulation Skills For Adults
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Self Regulation Skills For Adults
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (as well as a lot more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Self Regulation Skills For Adults
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• Many mad children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Self Regulation Skills For Adults
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Self Regulation Skills For Adults
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Self Regulation Skills For Adults
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Self Regulation Skills For Adults
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Self Regulation Skills For Adults
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Self Regulation Skills For Adults
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Self Regulation Skills For Adults
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.