When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Self Stimulating Behavior
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Self Stimulating Behavior
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Self Stimulating Behavior
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as basically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles result in healthy child development Self Stimulating Behavior
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Self Stimulating Behavior
Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Self Stimulating Behavior
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation consistently produces better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Self Stimulating Behavior
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Self Stimulating Behavior
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling below it
• Many upset children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Self Stimulating Behavior
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as an individual. Self Stimulating Behavior
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Self Stimulating Behavior
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Self Stimulating Behavior
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Self Stimulating Behavior
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Self Stimulating Behavior
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Self Stimulating Behavior
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