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When I first became a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Sensory Classroom
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Sensory Classroom
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Sensory Classroom
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Sensory Classroom
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Sensory Classroom
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Sensory Classroom
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration always produces better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Sensory Classroom
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (as well as much more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Sensory Classroom
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main feeling beneath it
• A lot of angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Sensory Classroom
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we have to want to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Sensory Classroom
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Sensory Classroom
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Sensory Classroom
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Sensory Classroom
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Sensory Classroom
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Sensory Classroom
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