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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Sensory Input Activities
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Sensory Input Activities
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Sensory Input Activities
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Sensory Input Activities
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Sensory Input Activities
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Sensory Input Activities
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration always generates much better lasting results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Sensory Input Activities
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Below are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mama or father you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and also a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Sensory Input Activities
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary emotion below it
• Most upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Sensory Input Activities
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we need to be prepared to provide. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. Sensory Input Activities
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Sensory Input Activities
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Sensory Input Activities
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Sensory Input Activities
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Sensory Input Activities
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Sensory Input Activities
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.