When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Sensory Processing Treatment
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Sensory Processing Treatment
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Sensory Processing Treatment
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also virtually every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Sensory Processing Treatment
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Sensory Processing Treatment
First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Sensory Processing Treatment
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently yields better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Sensory Processing Treatment
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and also extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Sensory Processing Treatment
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• The majority of upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Sensory Processing Treatment
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we need to be prepared to provide. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Sensory Processing Treatment
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Sensory Processing Treatment
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Sensory Processing Treatment
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Sensory Processing Treatment
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Sensory Processing Treatment
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Sensory Processing Treatment
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