When I first became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Sensory Seeking Toddler
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Sensory Seeking Toddler
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Sensory Seeking Toddler
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also basically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy child development Sensory Seeking Toddler
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Sensory Seeking Toddler
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Sensory Seeking Toddler
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently produces far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Sensory Seeking Toddler
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Sensory Seeking Toddler
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• A lot of upset children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Sensory Seeking Toddler
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we must be prepared to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Sensory Seeking Toddler
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Sensory Seeking Toddler
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Sensory Seeking Toddler
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Sensory Seeking Toddler
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Sensory Seeking Toddler
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Sensory Seeking Toddler
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