When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Short Term Memory Loss In Kids
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Short Term Memory Loss In Kids
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Short Term Memory Loss In Kids
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Short Term Memory Loss In Kids
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Short Term Memory Loss In Kids
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Short Term Memory Loss In Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently produces much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Short Term Memory Loss In Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and also much more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Short Term Memory Loss In Kids
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main emotion beneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Short Term Memory Loss In Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we have to agree to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Short Term Memory Loss In Kids
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Short Term Memory Loss In Kids
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Short Term Memory Loss In Kids
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Short Term Memory Loss In Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Short Term Memory Loss In Kids
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Short Term Memory Loss In Kids
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