When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Sibling Rivalry Articles
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Sibling Rivalry Articles
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Sibling Rivalry Articles
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also basically every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Sibling Rivalry Articles
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Sibling Rivalry Articles
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Sibling Rivalry Articles
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Sibling Rivalry Articles
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Here are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to help you to become the mama or daddy you’ve always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (as well as more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Sibling Rivalry Articles
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key feeling under it
• Most upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Sibling Rivalry Articles
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Sibling Rivalry Articles
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Sibling Rivalry Articles
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Sibling Rivalry Articles
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Sibling Rivalry Articles
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Sibling Rivalry Articles
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Sibling Rivalry Articles
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.