When I first became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Signs Of Dyscalculia
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Signs Of Dyscalculia
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Signs Of Dyscalculia
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Signs Of Dyscalculia
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Signs Of Dyscalculia
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Signs Of Dyscalculia
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Signs Of Dyscalculia
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (as well as more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Signs Of Dyscalculia
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion underneath it
• A lot of upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Signs Of Dyscalculia
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Signs Of Dyscalculia
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Signs Of Dyscalculia
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Signs Of Dyscalculia
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Signs Of Dyscalculia
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Signs Of Dyscalculia
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Signs Of Dyscalculia
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