When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Situational Factors Examples
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Situational Factors Examples
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Situational Factors Examples
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reading material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Situational Factors Examples
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Situational Factors Examples
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Situational Factors Examples
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently yields much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Situational Factors Examples
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Here are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mom or daddy you’ve always wished to be, and help your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and also extra typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Situational Factors Examples
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion underneath it
• Most upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Situational Factors Examples
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we should be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Situational Factors Examples
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Situational Factors Examples
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Situational Factors Examples
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Situational Factors Examples
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Situational Factors Examples
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Situational Factors Examples
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