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When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. So Embarassing
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.So Embarassing
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy So Embarassing
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development So Embarassing
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? So Embarassing
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for So Embarassing
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently produces far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. So Embarassing
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. So Embarassing
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … So Embarassing
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we should be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. So Embarassing
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. So Embarassing
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? So Embarassing
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? So Embarassing
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. So Embarassing
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. So Embarassing
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