Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. So Games
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.So Games
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy So Games
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as practically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy child development So Games
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? So Games
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for So Games
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently yields much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. So Games
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy teaches to encourage you to become the mother or dad you have actually always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. So Games
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• A lot of angry children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … So Games
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be willing to provide. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. So Games
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. So Games
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? So Games
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? So Games
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. So Games
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. So Games
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.