When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Social Pragmatic Language Disorder
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Social Pragmatic Language Disorder
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Social Pragmatic Language Disorder
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and basically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Social Pragmatic Language Disorder
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Social Pragmatic Language Disorder
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Social Pragmatic Language Disorder
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation consistently produces far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Social Pragmatic Language Disorder
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Social Pragmatic Language Disorder
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary feeling below it
• The majority of upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Social Pragmatic Language Disorder
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Social Pragmatic Language Disorder
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Social Pragmatic Language Disorder
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Social Pragmatic Language Disorder
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Social Pragmatic Language Disorder
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Social Pragmatic Language Disorder
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Social Pragmatic Language Disorder
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