When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Spatial Intelligence Activities
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Spatial Intelligence Activities
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Spatial Intelligence Activities
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and basically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Spatial Intelligence Activities
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Spatial Intelligence Activities
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Spatial Intelligence Activities
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Spatial Intelligence Activities
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to become the mama or dad you’ve always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his/her full potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Spatial Intelligence Activities
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• Most mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Spatial Intelligence Activities
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we have to be willing to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Spatial Intelligence Activities
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Spatial Intelligence Activities
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Spatial Intelligence Activities
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Spatial Intelligence Activities
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Spatial Intelligence Activities
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Spatial Intelligence Activities
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.