When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Spatial Math
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Spatial Math
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Spatial Math
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also virtually every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Spatial Math
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Spatial Math
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Spatial Math
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Spatial Math
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Below are a number of the strategies Amy shares to help you to become the mom or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and help your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Spatial Math
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main emotion beneath it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Spatial Math
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Spatial Math
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Spatial Math
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Spatial Math
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Spatial Math
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Spatial Math
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Spatial Math
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