When I first became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Specific Phobia Treatment
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Specific Phobia Treatment
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Specific Phobia Treatment
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and basically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Specific Phobia Treatment
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Specific Phobia Treatment
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Specific Phobia Treatment
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently generates far better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Specific Phobia Treatment
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and also much more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Specific Phobia Treatment
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling beneath it
• A lot of angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Specific Phobia Treatment
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to want to give first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Specific Phobia Treatment
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Specific Phobia Treatment
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Specific Phobia Treatment
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Specific Phobia Treatment
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Specific Phobia Treatment
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Specific Phobia Treatment
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