When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Stages Of Parenthood
There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Stages Of Parenthood
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Stages Of Parenthood
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and pretty much every other typically approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Stages Of Parenthood
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Stages Of Parenthood
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Stages Of Parenthood
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Stages Of Parenthood
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to help you to come to be the mommy or dad you have actually always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (as well as a lot more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Stages Of Parenthood
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key feeling underneath it
• A lot of angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Stages Of Parenthood
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Stages Of Parenthood
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Stages Of Parenthood
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Stages Of Parenthood
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Stages Of Parenthood
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Stages Of Parenthood
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Stages Of Parenthood
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