Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Stop Kid
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Stop Kid
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Stop Kid
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also basically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy child development Stop Kid
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Stop Kid
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Stop Kid
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation consistently produces far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Stop Kid
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and also a lot more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Stop Kid
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion under it
• Most angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Stop Kid
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we must be willing to offer. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. Stop Kid
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Stop Kid
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Stop Kid
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Stop Kid
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Stop Kid
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Stop Kid
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.