When I first became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Stories Of Cyberbullying
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Stories Of Cyberbullying
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Stories Of Cyberbullying
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Stories Of Cyberbullying
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Stories Of Cyberbullying
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Stories Of Cyberbullying
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently generates better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Stories Of Cyberbullying
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and also more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Stories Of Cyberbullying
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key emotion under it
• A lot of mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Stories Of Cyberbullying
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to get from our child, we must agree to give first. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Stories Of Cyberbullying
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Stories Of Cyberbullying
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Stories Of Cyberbullying
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Stories Of Cyberbullying
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Stories Of Cyberbullying
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Stories Of Cyberbullying
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