When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Strategies For Picky Eaters
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Strategies For Picky Eaters
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Strategies For Picky Eaters
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Strategies For Picky Eaters
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Strategies For Picky Eaters
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Strategies For Picky Eaters
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Strategies For Picky Eaters
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Here are a couple of the methods Amy shares to assist you to evolve into the mama or daddy you have actually always wished to be, and help your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Strategies For Picky Eaters
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main feeling under it
• Many mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Strategies For Picky Eaters
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be eager to give. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Strategies For Picky Eaters
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Strategies For Picky Eaters
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Strategies For Picky Eaters
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Strategies For Picky Eaters
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Strategies For Picky Eaters
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Strategies For Picky Eaters
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