When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Strict Parent
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Strict Parent
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Strict Parent
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also practically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Strict Parent
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Strict Parent
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Strict Parent
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Strict Parent
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mother or daddy you’ve always wanted to be, and also assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Strict Parent
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion beneath it
• A lot of angry children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Strict Parent
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we should be ready to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Strict Parent
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Strict Parent
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Strict Parent
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Strict Parent
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Strict Parent
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Strict Parent
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.