When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Supernanny Spank
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Supernanny Spank
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Supernanny Spank
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as practically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles cause healthy child development Supernanny Spank
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Supernanny Spank
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Supernanny Spank
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration consistently yields far better long-term results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Supernanny Spank
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Here are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to encourage you to become the mom or dad you have actually always intended to be, and help your child to reach his/her full potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Supernanny Spank
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• Most upset children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Supernanny Spank
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Supernanny Spank
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Supernanny Spank
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Supernanny Spank
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Supernanny Spank
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Supernanny Spank
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Supernanny Spank
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