Supporting Your Child – Just How I Chose Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Listen

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Supporting Your Child
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Supporting Your Child

There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Supporting Your Child

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Supporting Your Child

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting technique.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Supporting Your Child

Supporting Your Child

Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.

Given his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Supporting Your Child

First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring major wrongdoing

• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Supporting Your Child

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration consistently produces far better long-term results than forced control.

Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character qualities

Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Helping kids to grow their self-control

• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Supporting Your Child

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mother or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and help your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Find the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

Yet we can get a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Supporting Your Child

A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main emotion under it

• Most angry children are actually anxious and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.

• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Supporting Your Child

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we should want to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Supporting Your Child

This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Supporting Your Child

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …

Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Supporting Your Child

Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Supporting Your Child

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Supporting Your Child

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Supporting Your Child


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