Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Symptoms Of Childhood Schizophrenia
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Symptoms Of Childhood Schizophrenia
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Symptoms Of Childhood Schizophrenia
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy child development Symptoms Of Childhood Schizophrenia
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Symptoms Of Childhood Schizophrenia
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Symptoms Of Childhood Schizophrenia
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation always generates much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Symptoms Of Childhood Schizophrenia
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Symptoms Of Childhood Schizophrenia
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main feeling below it
• Many upset children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Symptoms Of Childhood Schizophrenia
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to agree to give first. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Symptoms Of Childhood Schizophrenia
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Symptoms Of Childhood Schizophrenia
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Symptoms Of Childhood Schizophrenia
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Symptoms Of Childhood Schizophrenia
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Symptoms Of Childhood Schizophrenia
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Symptoms Of Childhood Schizophrenia
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.