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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Symptoms Of OCD In Kids
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Symptoms Of OCD In Kids
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Symptoms Of OCD In Kids
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Symptoms Of OCD In Kids
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Symptoms Of OCD In Kids
Initially, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Symptoms Of OCD In Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation consistently produces far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Symptoms Of OCD In Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Symptoms Of OCD In Kids
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main feeling under it
• Many angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Symptoms Of OCD In Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Symptoms Of OCD In Kids
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Symptoms Of OCD In Kids
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Symptoms Of OCD In Kids
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Symptoms Of OCD In Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Symptoms Of OCD In Kids
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Symptoms Of OCD In Kids
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