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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Technology And Youth
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Technology And Youth
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Technology And Youth
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and basically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles result in healthy child development Technology And Youth
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Technology And Youth
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Technology And Youth
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation always produces better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Technology And Youth
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (and more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Technology And Youth
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main feeling below it
• Many upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Technology And Youth
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Technology And Youth
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Technology And Youth
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Technology And Youth
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Technology And Youth
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Technology And Youth
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Technology And Youth
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.