When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Teen Temper Tantrum
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Teen Temper Tantrum
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Teen Temper Tantrum
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as practically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Teen Temper Tantrum
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Teen Temper Tantrum
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Teen Temper Tantrum
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently yields better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Teen Temper Tantrum
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Below are a number of the methods Amy teaches to assist you to evolve into the mama or daddy you’ve always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her full potential.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (as well as a lot more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Teen Temper Tantrum
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main emotion below it
• A lot of mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Teen Temper Tantrum
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Teen Temper Tantrum
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Teen Temper Tantrum
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Teen Temper Tantrum
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Teen Temper Tantrum
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Teen Temper Tantrum
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Teen Temper Tantrum
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