When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Teens Attitudes
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Teens Attitudes
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Teens Attitudes
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Teens Attitudes
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. But in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Teens Attitudes
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Teens Attitudes
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently generates far better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Teens Attitudes
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Below are a number of the techniques Amy shares to assist you to evolve into the mama or father you have actually always wanted to be, and also help your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as extra common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Teens Attitudes
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main feeling under it
• Most angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Teens Attitudes
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we should be eager to give. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. Teens Attitudes
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Teens Attitudes
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Teens Attitudes
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Teens Attitudes
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Teens Attitudes
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Teens Attitudes
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