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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Teens Prone
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Teens Prone
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Teens Prone
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also virtually every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Teens Prone
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Teens Prone
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Teens Prone
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Teens Prone
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Teens Prone
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key feeling beneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Teens Prone
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we have to be willing to provide first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Teens Prone
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Teens Prone
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Teens Prone
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Teens Prone
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. But gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Teens Prone
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Teens Prone
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