When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Temper Tantrums At 14 Months
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Temper Tantrums At 14 Months
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Temper Tantrums At 14 Months
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as practically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy child development Temper Tantrums At 14 Months
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Temper Tantrums At 14 Months
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Temper Tantrums At 14 Months
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration always generates far better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Temper Tantrums At 14 Months
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Below are a number of the methods Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mama or father you have actually always wished to be, and help your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (and also extra common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Temper Tantrums At 14 Months
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key emotion under it
• Most upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Temper Tantrums At 14 Months
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we have to be eager to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Temper Tantrums At 14 Months
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Temper Tantrums At 14 Months
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Temper Tantrums At 14 Months
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Temper Tantrums At 14 Months
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Temper Tantrums At 14 Months
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Temper Tantrums At 14 Months
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