The Main Difference Between Intrinsic And Extrinsic Motivation Is – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Cooperate

The Main Difference Between Intrinsic And Extrinsic Motivation Is
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. The Main Difference Between Intrinsic And Extrinsic Motivation Is

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.The Main Difference Between Intrinsic And Extrinsic Motivation Is

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer The Main Difference Between Intrinsic And Extrinsic Motivation Is

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also virtually every other commonly approved parenting strategy.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these principles cause healthy child development The Main Difference Between Intrinsic And Extrinsic Motivation Is

The Main Difference Between Intrinsic And Extrinsic Motivation Is

Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.

Considering his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyhow? The Main Difference Between Intrinsic And Extrinsic Motivation Is

Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Giving your children whatever they ask for The Main Difference Between Intrinsic And Extrinsic Motivation Is

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limitations

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities

Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-control

• Going deeper than plain external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. The Main Difference Between Intrinsic And Extrinsic Motivation Is

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Right here are a number of the methods Amy shares to encourage you to come to be the mother or daddy you have actually always wished to be, and assist your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Find the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. The Main Difference Between Intrinsic And Extrinsic Motivation Is

For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion beneath it

• A lot of upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.

• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … The Main Difference Between Intrinsic And Extrinsic Motivation Is

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to agree to offer first. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. The Main Difference Between Intrinsic And Extrinsic Motivation Is

This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. The Main Difference Between Intrinsic And Extrinsic Motivation Is

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? The Main Difference Between Intrinsic And Extrinsic Motivation Is

Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.

So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? The Main Difference Between Intrinsic And Extrinsic Motivation Is

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. The Main Difference Between Intrinsic And Extrinsic Motivation Is

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. The Main Difference Between Intrinsic And Extrinsic Motivation Is


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