When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Things To Do With One Year Old
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Things To Do With One Year Old
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Things To Do With One Year Old
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Things To Do With One Year Old
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Things To Do With One Year Old
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Things To Do With One Year Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently yields better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Things To Do With One Year Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and also much more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Things To Do With One Year Old
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• Many upset children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Things To Do With One Year Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we should want to give before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Things To Do With One Year Old
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Things To Do With One Year Old
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Things To Do With One Year Old
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Things To Do With One Year Old
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Things To Do With One Year Old
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Things To Do With One Year Old
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