Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Thinking About Thinking Is Known As
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Thinking About Thinking Is Known As
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Thinking About Thinking Is Known As
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and practically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Thinking About Thinking Is Known As
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Thinking About Thinking Is Known As
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Thinking About Thinking Is Known As
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Thinking About Thinking Is Known As
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and also extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Thinking About Thinking Is Known As
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion underneath it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Thinking About Thinking Is Known As
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we need to agree to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Thinking About Thinking Is Known As
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Thinking About Thinking Is Known As
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Thinking About Thinking Is Known As
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Thinking About Thinking Is Known As
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Thinking About Thinking Is Known As
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Thinking About Thinking Is Known As
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.