When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Thought Box
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Thought Box
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Thought Box
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Thought Box
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Thought Box
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Thought Box
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation always produces much better lasting results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Thought Box
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Below are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to come to be the mom or dad you have actually always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Thought Box
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion below it
• A lot of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Thought Box
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we must agree to give before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Thought Box
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Thought Box
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Thought Box
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Thought Box
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Thought Box
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Thought Box
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