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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Time Out Techniques
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Time Out Techniques
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Time Out Techniques
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and basically every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Time Out Techniques
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Time Out Techniques
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Time Out Techniques
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration always yields far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Time Out Techniques
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Time Out Techniques
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main emotion under it
• Many upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Time Out Techniques
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to receive from our child, we need to be willing to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Time Out Techniques
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Time Out Techniques
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Time Out Techniques
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Time Out Techniques
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Time Out Techniques
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Time Out Techniques
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