When I first became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Toddler Biting When Excited
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Toddler Biting When Excited
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Toddler Biting When Excited
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also virtually every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Toddler Biting When Excited
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. However long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Toddler Biting When Excited
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Toddler Biting When Excited
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation always yields much better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Biting When Excited
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to assist you to come to be the mother or dad you’ve always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and much more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Toddler Biting When Excited
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Toddler Biting When Excited
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we must be willing to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Toddler Biting When Excited
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Toddler Biting When Excited
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Toddler Biting When Excited
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Biting When Excited
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Biting When Excited
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Toddler Biting When Excited
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