When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Toddler Discipline Tips
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Toddler Discipline Tips
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Toddler Discipline Tips
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy child development Toddler Discipline Tips
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Toddler Discipline Tips
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Toddler Discipline Tips
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration always generates much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Toddler Discipline Tips
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to encourage you to become the mama or daddy you’ve always wished to be, and also help your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also extra common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Toddler Discipline Tips
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary emotion below it
• A lot of upset children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Toddler Discipline Tips
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we need to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Toddler Discipline Tips
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Toddler Discipline Tips
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Toddler Discipline Tips
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Discipline Tips
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Discipline Tips
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Toddler Discipline Tips
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