Toddler Hits Mother – Exactly How I Used Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Cooperate

Toddler Hits Mother
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Toddler Hits Mother

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Toddler Hits Mother

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Toddler Hits Mother

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also practically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these principles bring about healthy child development Toddler Hits Mother

Toddler Hits Mother

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Considering his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Toddler Hits Mother

Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Offering your children every little thing they want Toddler Hits Mother

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always yields better long-term outcomes than harsh control.

Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to promote:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals

Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued

• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline

• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Toddler Hits Mother

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Below are a number of the methods Amy teaches to encourage you to become the mama or father you have actually always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Get to the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and much more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a great deal farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Toddler Hits Mother

For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main feeling beneath it

• Most upset children are really anxious and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.

• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Toddler Hits Mother

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we must be prepared to provide. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Toddler Hits Mother

This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Toddler Hits Mother

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …

Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Toddler Hits Mother

Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

So how can you become a positive parent? Toddler Hits Mother

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Hits Mother

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Toddler Hits Mother


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