Toddlers Hitting Themselves In The Head – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

Toddlers Hitting Themselves In The Head
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mama, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddlers Hitting Themselves In The Head

There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Toddlers Hitting Themselves In The Head

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Toddlers Hitting Themselves In The Head

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Toddlers Hitting Themselves In The Head

Toddlers Hitting Themselves In The Head

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Considering his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Toddlers Hitting Themselves In The Head

First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring major wrongdoing

• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Toddlers Hitting Themselves In The Head

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation consistently generates far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Parents who embrace this concept have learned to promote:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals

Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued

• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint

• Going deeper than plain outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Toddlers Hitting Themselves In The Head

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Right here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mother or daddy you have actually always intended to be, and also help your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Find the root of the behavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and also a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

But we can get a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Toddlers Hitting Themselves In The Head

For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main feeling below it

• Many mad children are really scared and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.

• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Toddlers Hitting Themselves In The Head

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Toddlers Hitting Themselves In The Head

This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Toddlers Hitting Themselves In The Head

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Toddlers Hitting Themselves In The Head

Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddlers Hitting Themselves In The Head

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise any person that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddlers Hitting Themselves In The Head

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Toddlers Hitting Themselves In The Head


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