Tough Love Parenting Tips – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Behave

Tough Love Parenting Tips
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Tough Love Parenting Tips

There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Tough Love Parenting Tips

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Tough Love Parenting Tips

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Tough Love Parenting Tips

Tough Love Parenting Tips

In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Given his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Tough Love Parenting Tips

Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring major misbehavior

• Providing your children everything they want Tough Love Parenting Tips

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limitations

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently generates better long-lasting results than strict control.

Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to promote:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued

• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint

• Going deeper than simple outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Tough Love Parenting Tips

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Here are a number of the methods Amy shares to help you to come to be the mommy or father you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Discover the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Tough Love Parenting Tips

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion underneath it

• The majority of angry children are really anxious and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.

• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Tough Love Parenting Tips

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to get from our child, we should agree to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. Tough Love Parenting Tips

This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Tough Love Parenting Tips

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Tough Love Parenting Tips

Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Tough Love Parenting Tips

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Tough Love Parenting Tips

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Tough Love Parenting Tips


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