When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toys For Siblings To Share
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Toys For Siblings To Share
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Toys For Siblings To Share
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Toys For Siblings To Share
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Toys For Siblings To Share
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Toys For Siblings To Share
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently yields much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Toys For Siblings To Share
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Below are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to assist you to evolve into the mother or daddy you’ve always wanted to be, and encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Toys For Siblings To Share
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Toys For Siblings To Share
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. Toys For Siblings To Share
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Toys For Siblings To Share
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Toys For Siblings To Share
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Toys For Siblings To Share
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toys For Siblings To Share
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Toys For Siblings To Share
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