Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Trastorno Compulsivo Obsesivo
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Trastorno Compulsivo Obsesivo
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Trastorno Compulsivo Obsesivo
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Trastorno Compulsivo Obsesivo
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Trastorno Compulsivo Obsesivo
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Trastorno Compulsivo Obsesivo
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation always generates far better lasting results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Trastorno Compulsivo Obsesivo
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Trastorno Compulsivo Obsesivo
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion beneath it
• Many angry children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Trastorno Compulsivo Obsesivo
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we have to want to give first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. Trastorno Compulsivo Obsesivo
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Trastorno Compulsivo Obsesivo
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Trastorno Compulsivo Obsesivo
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Trastorno Compulsivo Obsesivo
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Trastorno Compulsivo Obsesivo
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Trastorno Compulsivo Obsesivo
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.