Trauma And Grief – Exactly How I Applied Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Listen

Please note: This post contains affiliate links.

Trauma And Grief
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Trauma And Grief

There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Trauma And Grief

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Trauma And Grief

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.

I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Trauma And Grief

Trauma And Grief

In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.

Given his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Trauma And Grief

Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding major wrongdoing

• Giving your children everything they want Trauma And Grief

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates better long-lasting results than forced control.

Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Building a child’s foundational character traits

Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued

• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint

• Going much deeper than mere external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Trauma And Grief

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Here are a couple of the strategies Amy teaches to encourage you to become the mother or father you’ve always wanted to be, and also help your child to reach his/her full potential.

Identify the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and much more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a whole lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Trauma And Grief

As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary feeling under it

• A lot of mad children are really scared and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.

• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Trauma And Grief

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we should agree to provide first. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Trauma And Grief

This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Trauma And Grief

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …

Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Trauma And Grief

Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

How can you come to be a positive parent? Trauma And Grief

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. But gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I suggest anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Trauma And Grief

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Trauma And Grief


Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

error: Content is protected !!