When I first became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Troubled Child Programs
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Troubled Child Programs
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Troubled Child Programs
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reviewing blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Troubled Child Programs
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Troubled Child Programs
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Troubled Child Programs
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that collaboration always produces better lasting results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Troubled Child Programs
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mama or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and help your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Troubled Child Programs
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key emotion below it
• Most upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Troubled Child Programs
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Troubled Child Programs
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Troubled Child Programs
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Troubled Child Programs
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Troubled Child Programs
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Troubled Child Programs
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Troubled Child Programs
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