When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Visual Stimming Autism
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Visual Stimming Autism
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Visual Stimming Autism
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reading blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Visual Stimming Autism
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to help for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Visual Stimming Autism
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Visual Stimming Autism
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration always generates better lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Visual Stimming Autism
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Visual Stimming Autism
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion under it
• A lot of upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Visual Stimming Autism
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to get from our child, we should agree to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Visual Stimming Autism
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Visual Stimming Autism
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Visual Stimming Autism
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Visual Stimming Autism
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Visual Stimming Autism
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Visual Stimming Autism
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